Ben seems to recognize the sequence of things: first get stronger, then do more. He shared with me how frustrated he was when he fell a couple of days ago in his room. That was then. Today he was proud to tell me that he stood, with support, and took a couple of steps with a walker. Yay, Ben!
Ben told me about the EKG done today, which showed no holes in his heart. This is a blessing because tests done at the end of July while Ben was still in the ICU pointed to possible congenital defects.
Today's visit was a unique glimpse at a calm, sweet, accepting Ben. Not unusual because these qualities weren't part of his makeup before, but different because they now seem more dominant, edging out the tension and nervous energy of the Ben from just a month ago. There is a definite peace about him.
I watched Ben patiently let a nurse convert his arm into a teaching moment for a new aide learning how to change the IV dressing. Ben was accommodating beyond belief.
Was he just too tired to care? Is that why he seemed so easy going? I don't think so. It's clear from our conversation that Ben is grateful to be here. That gratitude takes the shape of a meek disposition. His mindset is being molded alongside his muscles.
I marvel at his grace in this situation, facing hurdles down a muddied track whose distance to the finish line hasn't even been mapped yet. I told Ben that my mind's eye has often put me in his place. This is so hard! How would I cope in the hospital? He smiled when I told him I think I would hold a nightly pity party, guest of one. His smile seemed to say, oh, sister, you just wouldn't be strong enough, let me tell you how it's done . . .
Ben is willing to take on his challenges because he's glad he's alive. Yes, he gets discouraged at his limitations, but I don't think he dwells on them. That would take too much energy. He'd rather focus his efforts on moving forward.
Ben wanted me to tell everyone thank you. He feels your love and support deeply.
Thank you for your continued encouragement.
Jenni
P.S. When I asked Ben if I could bring him anything to read, he lit up when I suggested Mad Magazine. I'm going to get him the current issue, but if any of you have back issues that you'd like to donate, that would be wonderful. Please email me, jlkhatch@yahoo.com, so we can coordinate getting such high-falutin material Ben's way.
1 comment:
Thanks, Jenni,
We knew you would be more eloquent in expressing Ben's thoughts to his fans than any of the rest of us! I just have a few more good bits of news for his fans. Yesterday afternoon, after returning home from the hospital and running a couple of errands for Ben, I was delighted to receive two phone calls from him - for those of you who may not be aware, just two days ago, Ben had great difficulty even pushing his nurse call button so for him to manuever the phone to his side and make the calls himself is a major milestone. To hear his voice on the phone was so reassuring and his news was so great. "Mom, they just told me that there is no hole in my heart (the first series of EEG's showed a possible PVO - a small hole in the atrial septum that could have been congenital or could have been stress induced. The first test I observed at his new hospital was inconclusive; the technician re-did it - all the while being very concerned, because they were looking for the hole that was seen in the tests at St. Mark's. The follow-up test was done early afternoon yesterday, Monday, and there is no hole - another miracle. Ben's second phone call came a few minutes after the first, "Mom, they tell me my kidneys are working and I won't need dialysis again!" (The severe case of rhabdomyolysis Ben had was cause for his doctors' concern that he might need dialysis indefinitely! -another miracle!) Go! Kidneys! He will remain on a restricted diet for a while as they re-introduce some foods to see if those fresh new kidney cells can handle things!
Ben and all of us are so grateful that the miracle continues. We are also seeing a new, calmer Ben, he is very comtemplative and deliberate in his responses - and we want to encourage him to think about the wonderful new opportunities ahead of him to make a better life for himself. Ben, on his prescriptions, was not truly a happy Ben, and the new Ben can be both happy and productive; for that we are very thankful. Thank you for remembering him in your prayers, we thank all of Ben's friends for their kind words and actions, they mean so much to Ben and all of us who love him.
Ben's Mom
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